The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

by crobertson

There are a few days a week that I leave Braeden in someone else’s care.  These few days are the most difficult for me.

She’s family.  She’s a mother.  She loves Bray.   She’s babysitting for less money than daycare.  She’s help Chris and I out with Bray many occasions.  She is a wonderful person.  A friend.

She’s sooo far away from school.  She thinks she knows best because she’s a mother (of 3, as she reminded me), She doesn’t listen to what I want.  She’s charging us money, even though she said, “no strings attached.”  She puts the TV on ALL day.  Is she interacting with him like I do?  Teaching him how to put the square shape in the square hole, how to stack….is she reading with him like I do?  

She’s out of touch.  My heart hurts when she says, “I can’t save you.” to my son.  What?!  When she tells me all the foods he’s eaten (I can’t cook with no kitchen!).  The argument we had when I tell her I don’t want Bray to have juice, just water.  “Coming from a mother of 3, I don’t want you to turn into one of those obsessive mothers.”   I’ve talked with Chris, with friends, with family.  I’ve talked with her.  Nothing has changed.  The feeling I get when I pick Bray up.  It’s ugly.  I don’t like the feeling of jealousy, anger, hurt.  It’s nothing but ugly and I don’t know how to change it.  I fear it’s going to stay with me for the rest of the school year.  I fear it will change my feelings of her…”rock the boat” in our relationship.

In the car, I cry…breathe…remember, she loves him.  She loves him.

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