I Thought I Needed It
I had to get out. Out of the house. I had enough. Enough sceaming, hitting, yelling, crying, battle after battle, constantly on edge…I couldn’t take it anymore.
“I have to get out” I told my husband.
Walking out of the bedroom, I find my little man.
“Mommy is leaving for a little bit, ok Braeden. I will be back soon.”
As I sat in the car, a rush of excitement came over me. I was going to run to the store and I could be carefree. I was going to run to another store to make a return and the whole process would be quick as lightning. Last I was going to a coffee shop to sit down and write. I would no longer be sitting at 10 o’clock trying to put thoughts together despite being exhausted from the day. And these days, life has been exhausting.
I went to both stores, took care of buisness. But found myself wandering. Maybe I was waiting to hear the little voice that holds my heart. I never heard it. I left.
So here I am. With my coffee. With my snack. Writing. But I am not feeling as great as I thought. In fact I am feeling quite empty. Lost. Every time someone opens the door, I glance, and slowly return to my screen.
Swollowing my tears, so no one can see the pain in my heart. I really thought I needed this break. I thought I was going to explode if I did not get some space. What I realize sitting here is that I need my family. Any way. Any mood. Any behavior. Any chaos.
I have to get out. Out of the coffee shop. I have had enough. I miss my family.